16 November 2011

True to my word.

I'm starting to think that people have a HUGE misconception about me and what my house looks like on a daily basis.

I had promised awhile back to dispell those non-truths.  I have delayed this post as long as I could.  Mostly because I don't want anyone to think I'm a mess. 

If my house looks a mess at any given moment, what must my insides look like? 

To honestly answer that question, sometimes my insides are a mess.  Even with all the healing that's occurred on my heart the last couple of years, I still have dark days.  Bad times. 

Don't we all?

 So, here you go.  This is what my house looks like most days. 

A mess.

Sometimes I feel like the messier it is, the happier I am.  The more I've learned to let go of stupid hang ups.  Keeping your house perfect all the time is a source of GREAT stress and anxiety.  It's a full time job of worry and psychoticness.  Trust me when I tell you that.  I've lived that life.

Cleaning the house to tip top shop 3+ times a week for 3 years so that Betsy's home therapists didn't think I was a failure when they came over to work with her was hell.  Because somehow having a clean and tidy house made me have it all together. 

Back then, I didn't.  Not even by a mile.

But, I wanted so badly to control the things that I could because the rest of my life seemed to be spiraling so desperately out of control.  It was a hopeless feeling.  At the time, I thought my cute, clean house was all I had.  I was blind then.  By grief, by sadness, by hopelessness, by desperation, by whatever you want to call it, but blind.

I still have work to do.  Lots.  I know this because you have no idea how badly I want to make a million and three excuses as to why it looks like this.  Which really isn't that bad considering most of the mess is pillows, clothes that need to be put down the laundry shoot, and dirty dishes in the sink, and let's face it my toliets are freshly bleached and tubs scoured out, but for me this is a disaster. 

I want to scream at the top of my lungs to the internets that this is right after getting the kids on the bus.  That this is right before I start to do my morning tidy-up routine.  That I am editing photos like a mad woman {tis the season}, and haven't been staying current on my housework.  That it's get my work done and feed the kids, or have spotless floors.  That it NEVER looks this bad.  That I plan on cleaning tomorrow when the kids DON'T have a half day of school to interrupt the progress. 

But, those are all just excuses.

See? That's what I do.  I am always trying to make excuses for things like this, so you don't think my house is, heaven forbid, messy sometimes. 


I mean, what would that say about me as a person?

Would you like me less?

Would you like me more?

Would I like myself less?  More? 

It's territory I don't really want to explore, but I'm going to.

So go ahead and judge away.

I am human. 

I have four kids.

Wait a minute, are those just more excuses?

As much as I would like to, I canNOT control everything.

A lesson driven home by the birth of a baby girl that would change everything I thought I knew about life.  Thank you, Miss Betsy Jane.

Random fact about me...I HATE a closet that is left open.  HATE, HATE, HATE.  Always have for as long as I have memories. 

Hey, at least Pete made his bed this morning.  That's progress.

Someday, I'll let you see our laundry/storage area.  For now, I'm not that brave.


  1. Firstly let me say that I think you are SUPERAWESOME and I can't even comprehend how you do what you do everyday. Having a husband, raising a family, your spectacular photography, the concerts, the craft projects, et al. I have a DOG. THAT'S IT. And I can barely keep up with that!
    Secondly, it's almost sad that I don't have the minor messes in my house that you have in yours - your house is tangible and lived in. I don't have that. Neither mess nor loved ones creating it. So give yourself a well earned break! At the end of the day all your self taxes are paid in full by LOVE. How cool is that?
    Lastly, I lovelovelove your choice of faucet in the kitchen sink, and to see the actual place where Grebe Dip is made is like a sneak peak at Heaven, I tell you what!

  2. your house still looks amazingly clean to the mess that i am staring at right now... either way you are awesome!

  3. I think your house looks just perfect!!- a HOME where a REAL FAMILY lives (and enjoys living!)!
    Thanks for sharing!

  4. I have to say: if that is an average day, I would be thrilled to be doing as well as you, and I don't even have the excuse of four whole children running around. That said, thanks for sharing how you feel about it, because I completely relate to those feelings of inadequacy. The problem I have is the feelings don't help me to do a better job; they defeat me. I don't know if that's how you are, but I want to tell you--if so--start thinking about the stuff you HAVE done (the investment you made in your family, the places you did clean, the time you spent getting work done, etc., and when you've gone through that list, the things you haven't yet done will be seen through their proper lens and with the appropriate amount of stress. It works for me every time (you know, every time I remember...)!

  5. I think that these are my favorite photos from your blog. Honest.

    And FYI... we also have that spiderman pillow, and it's also on my Youngest's bedroom floor. :)

  6. Just a few things...your house is barely messy girl! If I had 4 kids, I can't even imagine what my house would look like...you rock! I've seen people with less kids or none at all with much worse. Don't sweat a pillow or two on the floor and 6 dishes in your sink. For reals...Also...your closet hang up...I TOTALLY AGREE!! I also hate it when cupboards are left open, I always tell my husband its like a person standing there with their mouth open...lol..(that sounds way more weird typed out than when I think it.)

  7. Your home is adorable! I'm one of four kids and for us if it wasn't messy, it wasn't livable! I'll bet your kids feel happy, loved, and right at home in your "mess!" :) I'll be following to see more! :)



  8. Quote I live by "Excuse the mess. Our children are busy making memories." ah...serenity.

  9. your home is beautiful, colorful and welcoming. You think you have a mess but I think it looks like people live there.

    Have a wonderful holiday.


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