So, I've been watching 'American Horror Story'.
Not much to report. I guess I'm still waiting for it to get as scary as everyone says it is.
But, that's not really what this post is about.
There is a character in the show named, Addi. She is an awesome person living with Down's Syndrome.
Jessica Lange plays her kind-of-psychotic-but-has-good-intentions mother. And she plays the role well.
In one of the episodes, she's upset with Addi. She asks her if she knows what people think when they see the two of them walk down the street together. She goes on to tell her that they think two things:
1. That they feel lucky they're not either of them.
2. That she {Jessica Lange} must be a hero.
I watched this episode in one of those rare, rare, rare instances that I was home alone, and I cried.
Like a baby.
I wondered if that's what people think when they see my Betsy and me.
Grateful, and full of pity.
I am no hero.
Jessica Lange's character goes onto to say, "As if I had a choice.".
I didn't. Most mothers's do not.
Oh, well, I'm sure some think there is a choice.
But to the ones that are in it, really in it...they don't.
I had a choice in making her, but not how she turned out. Not how God thought she would be most perfect.
My, how long it's taken me to realize that she is just as she should be. Perfect in every way.
My perfect little girl.
We speak a perfect language only we understand.
She walks a perfect way that only I know when she'll fall.
She loves me so perfectly, sometimes I think I might burst from it.
One day, even she'll want to leave. She'll want to spread her wings in her perfect Betsy way. And, I will have to let her go.
And it will hurt.
More than with the other 3.
And the thing is, they'll understand why it will be harder.
Those other 3 are my hero. They know so much more than the average kid their age. And they didn't have a choice either. But I'm thankful. Thankful they know that kind of love, tolerance, empathy.
They let me love her the way I need to, and they get it. Even at their tender age. They know without being told why. Sure, they will resent me, or Betsy one day, for something, at some point for having to be so patient, and lenient. But it will be fleeting.
After 7 long years, I think I'm starting to get it. Why Betsy is all mine.
And the answere is simple...because she is supposed to be.
That's it.
Whatever I learn from it, no matter what I decide to so with those lessons, it's just 'to be'.
It's exactly what I needed exactly right now.
Maybe that doesn't make sense to anyone but me.
And that's okay.
Maybe it shouldn't make sense to anyone but me.
And her perfection is what I will always need right at that very moment
