19 October 2010

Mad Hatter.

I recently read some stuff someone wrote about being a mom.  It struck me in a weird way.  Mostly because it seemed to me that this person was placing their importance in life on being a mother.  That somehow in some cosmic phenomenon their 'being' started the day they became a mom.  They said they remember and savor every moment.

What?  Whaaaaaaaaaat?

This is puzzling to me.  For many reasons.  One of which is the fact that I was just as much a person before I became a mother as I will be the day they all leave.  News flash:  they DO leave.  The day will dawn that they no longer need you, or, heartbreaking still, want you.  And, I don't know about all of you, but I forget all kinds of stuff.  Honestly, if I didn't take as many photos as I do, I would look back on the last 10 years as one big blur.  I've always said that Pete's first 3 years of life, I had amnesia or something.  Poor dude!

I wear many hats in life.  Mothering is just one.  Right now, it's a big one.  Probably the biggest.  At times it consumes me.  I'm not sure if that's bad or good.  Yet.

I am also lots of other things.  Wife, daughter, sister, friend, artist, writer, music lover, traveler, dancer, baker, chef, control freak, photographer, teacher, runner, movie critic, book addict.  Some of those things are on hold for awhile, but will eventually reenter my life.  And in the time until then, they still need to be nurtured, nudged at times. I refuse to let my identity become strictly, 'mom'.

Becuase one day {sooner than later}, even though I'll always be a mom, they won't need me smothering them; cooking & cleaning for them, volunteering at school for them, driving them around, making snacks for baseball games, taking them clothes shopping, tying their shoes, wiping their noses, clipping their nails.  So, then what.


Guilt for awakening our other roles in life is a waste of time.  Maintain a balance in things, no over indulgence.  My kids always come first, but I make room for the other stuff from time to time.  I don't love my kids any less than a super mom.  Trust me.

I was made to be a mother, no doubt about it, but I was also made to be LOTS of other things, not quite as important.  God made us dynamic creatures.  For a reason.  All those other things that I am make me an even better mother, too.  I'm able to pass things I know and love onto my children.  More importantly, I can teach them through example that you don't have to pigeon hole yourselves into one role in life.

Amazing, isn't it?

I'm going to be honest: my life is my own.  I don't want it to become 'them'.  I do not want to live through them.  My role is to help them along the way, nurture them, teach them, care for them, love them.  Equally, I don't wish their lives to be dictated by mine.  I want them to make their own mistakes, decisions, have their own triumphs, their own interests.  The line is fine, I know, but I try.

Our best is all we can do, no matter what hat we are wearing.  Then, we have to hope it's good enough.



  1. Refreshing and true! I know so many mothers who "live" just for their kids...and when the kids go so does their sense of self, marriage, etc.

    I may sometimes be stuck in gym clothes or cargo pants and possibly stink from a lack of shower more....but still...

    I am more than a mother. I am bad @ss ;)

  2. love the comment above! couldn't agree with you girlies' more!

  3. Love this post! I agree with you, and our kids will be better for it! Thanks for keeping it "real".

  4. I just had baby #5 and I've found myself in that akward postpartum phase... fighting off an idenity crisis while balancing new hats and mourning the loss of others.

    Thank you for your post. I feel human again and maybe less inclined to run myself ragged trying to keep up with Super Mom. Maybe.


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