Yes, I'm a cheeseball.

We love her!

So does Chopper!

Nellie.

A little peanut.

Babies, babies everywhere.

I feel like so many of my friends and acquaintances are having babies.

Lucky for me, I get to visit often and smell that new baby smell whenever the mood should strike.

Here's the newest little one to join our group...all 6 lbs. 7 oz. of her.

Congrats, T & J!

She was an angel!

P.S.  I hope everyone has a safe & fun 4th of July!  It's one of my personal favorite holidays!  Enjoy!

There's nothing like a...

NEW BABY.
Especially, one that is less than 24 hours old.
God bless his little heart!

Congrats to my dear friends,

M & C.

Your lil' man is perfect!

P.S.  Shooting in low light is VERY challenging.  However, I do like the grainy quality of the photos.  It's very dramatic.  It reminds me of an 8mm film or something.  Super cool!

on oopsies, accidents, mistakes, etc.

I hope I don't lose any of you over this.  It is strictly my own opinion (and, everyone else's who agrees with me).  I, also, don't dislike people who fall under this very topic.  So, please don't comment below or FB me telling me that's what I'm really saying.  Because it's not.  And, I'm thinking that if enough of you who disagree dig deep, you'll agree, too.  The facts and stats just add up, ya know?  I'm a big numbers girl. 

Okay, so, let me just say it... 

I.DO.NOT.BELIEVE. IN.BABY.MAKING.ACCIDENTS. (with VERY few exceptions) 

Before you go nutty on me, let me explain all of the reasons I feel this way.  The exceptions aside, I would be willing to defend my position to the death.  I would do it, too, so don't test me.  And, quite frankly, unless you are a mixed martial arts champion, my 6 foot tall, size 11 shoe, frame, would kick your tail, and you know this as well as I do.

To say that one of your children was an accident or an oopsie, or worse yet, a mistake, not only makes you sound stooooopid, but, well, it's just not the honest to goodness truth of the matter.  If people who did this would quit pretending and stop believing the lie themselves, they would accept this to be true.  I'm sure of it.  And, really, there are worse things than saying you knew better.   

Following are several, but not all, of the scenarios in which I can defend my position. Ready?  Mkay.

1.  'the Obvious':  If you are sexually active and not using birth control (bc) and turn up pregnant...not an accident.  Even if you didn't intend or plan on being with child, what did you expect when if you didn't use bc?  And, I'm hear to tell you that, although, the Rhythm Method has worked for some, it is not a very safe or reliable form of bc.  And, don't pretend you didn't know this.  Because you do.

2.  the 'we used the Withdrawal method':  Really?  WTH?  (Sorry, Mrs.Lewis)  Wasn't it in like 6th or 7th grade health class that you learn about PRE-ejaculation.  I apologize for the term, but we're all adults here.  Yes, ladies (and gents)  a few swimmers come out before the rest.  Let's call this a false start.  They may have been disqualified, but they 'won' the race in the end, if you now what I'm sayin'.  And, yes, even my dear, sweet, Mrs.Lewis knows this, but we tend to think what has worked in the past will work forever and always.  We get careless and lazy.  It's cool.  But, it's also like playing Russian roulette.  If you're not ready to deal with the consequences (and she was), DON'T play at it. Bottom line:  if this is your preferred form of bc (or, really, lack thereof) and you are announcing your impending bundle, say, "Well, our pregnancy is not really an oopsie, because I am an adult and know better. So, let's just say it was an unexpected surprise."  You will sound so much smarter, and cooler.

3.  the 'i was on antibiotics' excuse:  Okay, I, personally, know like 5 bagillion people who say this is how they got pregnant...on accident.  And, no doubt!  Anyone with a pulse and a who-ha knows that antibiotics interfere with the efficacy of bc pills.  I'm not sure who these womens' physicians are, but mine (my OB-GYN and my internal medicine physician) has TOLD me this.  Numerous times.  Every time I get an antibiotic.  Even now that my tubes are tied.  Even if you are on hormone based bc, you need an additional form of contraception while on antibiotics.  Seriously, you do.  A condom, a diaphragm, foam, a sponge, something for goodness sakes.  If you do not do this, chances are you will get preggo. 

4.  the 'I skipped a few pills' excuse:  This one is easy.  Don't.  If you do, there is a small chance your egg will get fertilized.  The pill will work...if taken appropriately.  The bc pill is 99.8% effective.  Of the remaining .2%, about .193% of resulting pregnancies is from HUMAN ERROR.  You have a better chance of getting hit by lightening while riding a unicylce.  Based on how many people I know that were/are with child with this excuse, you would think that the pill was about 68% effective, and, then, why bother?  That being said, if you do miss one pill...newsflash, you bc still has the same effectiveness as if you actually took it when you were supposed to.  Shocking, I know.  Let me tell you a story.  Early on in our marriage, I would sometimes miss up to 3 in a row.  I know.  Dumb.  And, I still didn't get pregnant.  I would have accepted it openly if I had, as would Jake, and I certainly wouldn't have said it was an accident.  I might have said, "Hey everybody, I got pregnant out of shear stupidity."  or "Although, we are very happy about the news, my pregnancy is a direct result of my carelessness." 

5.  the 'his condom broke' line:  Really?  This is one of my favorites.  Oh, the chances...  Have you ever stretched out a condom as far as it would go?  I mean, honestly.  I'm not even going to humor this one.

6.  the ever popular, 'I thought I had to go off of the pill months ahead of time to get pregnant, it's only a month later, and I just wasn't expecting this...now what?':  Wow!  Again, let's go back to the doctor here.  My doctor has told me over and over it only takes one period off, and then...sh-zam!  You can get a baby bump.  If your doctor has not told you this, don't you think it is an important enough subject to ASK?!  I am living proof, 2 Xs over that this happens.  Consequently, it makes sense to tell people the boys were, indeed, planned.  No bc pill + friendly relations = a baby 9 months later.  It's really very simple math.  Here's a funny story...even after knowing of my own first 2 baby making experiences, my sister (God love her)  made this fateful mistake.  We can all laugh about it now, because she admits to what a capital I, idiot, she was.  Good times!

7.  (directly related to #1 and #2) the 'I just figured that if I hadn't gotten pregnant in this long...': Um, no.  Avoiding pregnancy is a month to month day to day situation.  And if you subcribe to this nonsensical excuse, a gamble.  Just because you got away with it on the first try, or the 6th, or 12th, or 38th, does not mean it will work in months 40, 57, or 174.  Got it?  Along these lines, you most certainly CAN get preggers at any time during your cycle.  Even if you would bet your right kidney you know not only the day, but the hour you ovulate.  Scouts honor.  Weirder things have happened, and NO ONE is exempt from this phenomenon.  I don't care how well you think you know your body.

8.  the 'How did I get pregnant?  I'm breastfeeding!'  Again, with the whole doctor thing.  My OB-GYN asks me after the baby is born while still IN THE HOSPITAL what form of bc I'll be using post-partum.  All four times I've always gotten the same one line, "Beth, don't forget...just because you're breastfeeding and may not be having a period, you CAN get pregnant."  I shouldn't hold the doctor souly responsible.  It's also in a ton of breastfeeding literature, including, but not limited to, the big folder of stuff you get while in the hospital.  My hospital lactation consultant also told me.  In my personal case, I already knew this, by educating myself, and from having a very resourceful mother.  Read stuff, ask questions, don't assume anything! 

I could go on and on, but I'm sure half of you are already so peeved at me you can't see straight anymore, so I'll leave it at my, personal, top 8. 

In addition, I would like to say that I have wanted to be pregnant 5 times in my life and got pregnant 5 times (pregnancy #4 resulted in a 10 week miscarriage).  ALL the other months and days that went by in 9+ years of marriage that I didn't want to get fertilized, I didn't.  It's really that simple.  If you REALLY do not want to be with child, AND (here's the important part) take the proper precautions, you will safely avoid a swollen abdomen. 

Otherwise, I firmly believe, that subconciously, or in some situations, consciously, you were wanting to get pregnant or didn't MIND getting prego.  And, that, in and of itself, really isn't bothersome to me.  But, for your own sake, just keep it real, and say so.   I would love to here someone say, "As surprised as I am, I really shouldn't be.  I didn't have a back-up while on antibiotics", or "Even though I've gone this long not getting pregnant while using the withdrawal method, I guess one of those suckers made it.  What was I thinking?" 

Don't even get me started on half-way intelligent adult women who have multilple 'oopsies'.  Wow!  Aren't all 'mistakes' supposed to be learned form?  I'm just sayin'.

And, above all else...the baby is not the oopsie or accident or mistake.  YOU are the one that slipped and made the mistake.  That beautiful baby is the result.  And, don't assume the people that you are sharing your news with are dumb.  Chances are they are not.  It is much easier to NOT get pregnant, than it is TO get pregnant. 

Most people that I know that have unexpected pregnancies, really, in the end, weren't that surprised.  They are/were, also, married adults (or have a good support system) who graciously accepted their babies knowing that it was their own actions or lack thereof that led to their pregnancies.  Everyone, in many situations, not just pregnancy, have slip ups.  We get careless, and make assumptions.  We think we are immune to certain conditions.  But, I hope that when it comes to bringing a human being into the world, we would all start thinking a bit differently.  Be more responsible.

I hate to sound like a high school sexual education instructor, but sex is a HUGE undertaking.  Sex and its consequences should not be taken lightly.  It is a gift, a privilege, a responsibility.  It should be respected and held in the utmost esteem.  It can be fun, and exciting, and good things can come of it, even if unexpected.  Adults should not have such a cavalier attitude about sex and its consequences.  We are too old to think, "Not me...".   

If you didn't know any of this, now, you do. 

Okay, let the nasty comments ensue.  Bring it.

What's in a name?

image from blaugh.com

So, I find out someone I know has a baby, right?

This said person could really be anyone (this is purely hypothetical).

You know, you get that call...

"Hey, Bernella had her baby last night?"

"Oh, yeah..."

Okay, here's where this conversation goes awry on my end.

I don't ask the weight, the length, the apgar scores.

At this point, the gender of the baby is really secondary to my concerns.

All I want to know is...

"...what did Bernella name the baby?"

Is this weird?

Probably so.

Most things about me are, indeed, a little off.

I love baby names.

More than the names, I love to try and figure out why people choose certain names for their kids.

I love when a name has a story.

This doesn't happen all the time, of course, but when it does, it's scrumptious.

It may make you reconsider your opinion of a name.

Case in point, Apple Blythe Alison Martin.

At first, I thought, what a cuckoo-weirdo-eccentric-will-have-to-stay-in celebrity-circles-its-whole-life-just-to-fit-in kinda name.

Then, I heard why Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin chose this particular name.

"It sounded so sweet and it conjured such a lovely picture for me – you know, apples are so sweet and they're wholesome and it's biblical – and I just thought it sounded so lovely and … clean! And I just thought, 'Perfect!'"

This strange name sky-rocketed in likeability points for me.

See?

My own kids don't have any great stories associated with their own names.

Jake is simple.

He's a junior, or a second, or whatever.

Pete was going to be Mitch or Max.

About 6-8 weeks before delivery, we chose Pete.

No real reason why.

Not many Pete's running around anymore, ya know?

A good, strong, masculine name to go with Jake.

All boy.

Betsy was tougher, but not difficult by any stretch.

First, she was going to be Meg or Annie or Jane.

One night, I was watching some period English movie, and during the credits a 'Betsy' caught my eye.

I mentioned it to Jake and it was a done deal.

My mom was very upset we didn't stick with the consonant-vowel-consonant-vowel theme.

I'm only telling you that because if you think I have issues, now you know the apple doesn't fall far.

Rosie is a completely different story.

Jake and I wanted to name her Tilly.

Period.

Everyone hated it.

I care too much what people think.

But, sometimes, like when you're naming a human being (which, incidentally, is a HUGE responsibility), I think you should consider CERTAIN people's opinions (the people who matter most to you).

After all, they are reflection of society as a whole.

The same society that will receive the child that you name.

The same society that will, all too often, judge that said child based on his or her name alone.

Sad, but true.

Tilly was out. (I'm still a bit jaded by that, though.)

Jake wanted Maggie or Josie, and I didn't really know what I wanted; Daisy, Willa, Molly, Nellie.

We then settled on Maisy.

I even had onsies personalized.

But, something didn't sit right.

My parents always would say to my sister and I that their names would make lovely names for their grandchildren.

Incidentally, their names are Rose and Vince.

As my due date drew nearer, I decided that there was some weight to what they said.

It helps that I love honoring people and the past with names for our future generations.

It was settled...she would be Rosie (what my mom is called daily, and it stuck with our nicknamey theme, no proper names for this crew), and middle name, Kathleen (Jake's mom's name).

When all was said and done, my mom was honored but didn't like it. :)

Another true story.

But, now, she just couldn't be any other name.

Cracklin' Rosie.

If she would've been a boy, it all would've been soooooooo much easier.

Gus Vincent.

The end.

PS The best baby name book EVER is
The Baby Name Wizard, by Laura Wattenberg.
You will LOVE it!

Where there was doubt...there is none, now.

The following is a comment/question that was posed to Sarah of Clover Lane, and her poetic answer. I know, after reading this, that more children are in our future (sorry, Mom & Jill). I am not sure when, but it will come. Someday.

I've read your blog for some time now and have never left a comment. Today hit home!! I am three months pregnant with number 4 - not quite planned. :) My biggest worry is that I'm 38, and my kids are 7,9,and 11! I haven't even told my girls that I'm pregnant yet. Can you post a blog just for me telling me how wonderful it is and that you're not losing your mind? We know what a blessing it is, but we're having a hard time with how different our lives will be!!
TammyBirmingham, AL

Dear Tammy,

Thank you for reading my blog. And thank you for "making" me write this post. I hope I didn't sound too discouraging or negative in that last post. Sometimes I get melancholy for the younger days...the kids being younger and maybe me too? Kind of selfish and vain. Sometimes it gets the best of me.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! You will NOT lose your mind. Babies are awesome. And it goes so fast. You probably already know that.

You will enjoy this baby SO much. But, you will not be sitting in a rocking chair in a quiet room, looking like a Pottery Barn Kids ad. Instead, depending on the demeanor of your baby, you will either be constantly wearing an extra appendange on your body in form of a baby-filled sling, or be adding C batteries to your grocery list every week for your Graco swing. You will not be pondering over what a cute outfit to dress the baby in today, instead you will be grabbing what is clean from the laundry basket. As that baby gets older, you will not be sitting on the floor for hours watching him or her stack blocks and thinking 'what a genius'. They will explore their world without someone constantly breathing down their back, which turns out to be a better way anyways.

You will have to relearn some things. I had completely forgotten how impossible it is to give an infant a bath and of course, you will have a whole new set of instructions from the nurses on umbilical cord care. They apparently change that every year or so. The immunizations are all different too...like they added 75 more. But you are 38. You are not afraid to speak your mind. Even if it pisses some people off. Take advantage of your confidence. You earned it.

You might not feel like there is enough hours in the day to get all that you need finished. Although you will reassure your kids that there is enough love to go all around, as you lay in bed at night, (usually with a baby attached to you), you will tear up, because you will feel like maybe there is, in fact, not enough love to pass around. You will think of who you didn't hug today, or if you said anything but 'Don't do this, Do that, Can you please'. It will eat you up sometimes, usually when you are going on 4 hours of broken sleep. Your mind can play tricks on you and anxiety will fill in the empty spots. Don't do that to yourself. That friend I talked about yesterday? I asked her once, when she was adopting her seventh, if she ever felt like she didn't have enough to go around. And she said, "I concentrate on what I DO give my kids, not on what I don't." Good advice. Take it. Full tummies, warm bed. Start there.

You will have some harried moments, but remember those moments...sometimes there will be nothing you can do about them, and other times you will have to think, "What can I do to change this...it's not working for us." I remember once complaining and complaining about this travel soccer I had my daughter in. Her friends would convince her every year to try out and then she'd beg me to let her. My husband always thought it was a good idea, too, as she was pretty decent at it. But it was ME who had to drag all these kids around, nursing the baby in the middle of a cornfield in the hot sun, not watching a minute of anything, being crabby all the way there and back, all of us hungry and thirsty, the baby fussy. It ended up my daughter didn't really like soccer that much, but just didn't know how to resist the friend-pressure. Some of my lowest points of parenting occured because of that stress. Don't do that to yourself. Get rid of all that extra crap, and just stick with the important stuff. If you don't know what the important stuff is, I can reassure you that it's not 2nd grade football skills training, or travel dance competitions. These were all invented by people with much less children than you have now, and for many other reasons I won't go into here. My point is this: Don't fight this adjustment. Accept that you will have to make changes, but let me reassure you, that you will ask yourself, "Why didn't we do this sooner?" You will grow closer as a family and less stressed as a mother. Embrace the old-fashioned values of a big family. A swing, some grass, and a good book is all kids need in the entertainment department. It would be more than the majority of kids in the world have. (Always keep in mind 'global' parenting and 'historic' parenting...they make the expectations place on us laughable.)

Besides that great gift, you will be giving your older children the gift of independence. Trust me, it was time anyways. They will learn some lessons and be better for it. If you don't have time to check for homework and they didn't either, they will learn it's their responsibility. They might have to hear the word 'no' more often, if driving across town to play at a friends house for two hours doesn't work with the baby's nap. They will have to take care of themselves more, and be doted on less. You will kick yourself for not doing some of this earlier, and be surprised at how much you were holding them back from some really necessary lessons and experiences. Count yourself lucky...some parents wait till NEVER. It doesn't turn out so good 20 years later.

Now I'll get to the best part of all. Your older children with that baby... your heart will explode with the amount of love and tenderness they will show. Get them involved right away. They will be your salvation in terms of managing this large plate you have in front of you. When they think you are not aware of their prescence, tell your husband how much you noticed so-and-so loves their baby sister or brother, and how much help they give. They will step up to the task unbelievably. Teach them how to hold the baby, how to swaddle, how to change a diaper (wet, or course). Have them run and get a fresh outfit, and don't cringe at the color combo. Who cares. When the baby gets older, they are the best entertainers. You will never have to occupy that baby's time. Set him out in the family room in his jumpy seat and the hoopla will get him good and tired. Don't ever feel guilty for asking them for help. Give them new responsibilites. Ask one of them to make lunch, even if it's just peanut butter on Ritz. They will love to do it for you if you thank them so much and brag about them. Don't say "the baby", say OUR baby. The gift you are giving them is priceless. They are learning how to care for your grandchildren. That is truly awesome and worth any inconveniece or adjustment that this little surprise threw your way.

One more thing. With my older three, I couldn't wait to "the next". The next stage, the next word, the next tooth... With this little guy, you will do the opposite. You will bawl at every stage. Be prepared. You are not crazy. It's completely normal. Birthdays are the worse. Have tissues handy.

Wowza!

What?

I am one of those kind of people that goes nuts when she finds out that some woman had her baby in a toilet because she didn't know she was pregnant. Or, the person who gets super pis**ed when she hears of someone who didn't realize they were pregnant until 3-4 months later. Uh, hello, what the h-e-double-hockey-sticks?!

Recently, I started watching the program "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" on Discovery Health Channel. This may be the first and last time you will EVER hear me say this, but I was completely wrong in thinking it is impossible to not know. That being said, let me just clarify, that it seems to me that the majority of the women are overweight, at a menopausal age, or have significantly irregular periods (like, a period 1-4 times a year).

Now, I gotta tell you that, personally, I think it would be fantastic to be told, "Honey, your about 39 weeks pregnant, and those stomach cramps you've been having are really contractions. So, let's have a baby!" I mean, seriously, you get to skip all that anticipation and the physical symptoms that are sometimes worsened by our psyche (nausea, fatigue, back and pelvic pain). That would be sweet. Just about the only thing I would miss would be the big, round belly, and feeling all those amazing kicks.

Incidentally, I think that I am watching waaaaaay too much of this show, because the other night I had a very vivid dream that I started feeling fetal movement. The kind that is so intense you can, literally, distinguish what body part it must have been that skimmed the whole of your abdomen. So, I told Jake, and we went to the doctor. They told me I was between 22-24 weeks pregnant.

Yeah, I think I need to cool it with Discovery Health for awhile.

Happy Monday!

Warning: May cause your womb to yearn...

I know mine did.
Enjoy.

ahhhh, bumps & babies!