26 October 2009

on oopsies, accidents, mistakes, etc.

I hope I don't lose any of you over this.  It is strictly my own opinion (and, everyone else's who agrees with me).  I, also, don't dislike people who fall under this very topic.  So, please don't comment below or FB me telling me that's what I'm really saying.  Because it's not.  And, I'm thinking that if enough of you who disagree dig deep, you'll agree, too.  The facts and stats just add up, ya know?  I'm a big numbers girl. 

Okay, so, let me just say it... 


Before you go nutty on me, let me explain all of the reasons I feel this way.  The exceptions aside, I would be willing to defend my position to the death.  I would do it, too, so don't test me.  And, quite frankly, unless you are a mixed martial arts champion, my 6 foot tall, size 11 shoe, frame, would kick your tail, and you know this as well as I do.

To say that one of your children was an accident or an oopsie, or worse yet, a mistake, not only makes you sound stooooopid, but, well, it's just not the honest to goodness truth of the matter.  If people who did this would quit pretending and stop believing the lie themselves, they would accept this to be true.  I'm sure of it.  And, really, there are worse things than saying you knew better.   

Following are several, but not all, of the scenarios in which I can defend my position. Ready?  Mkay.

1.  'the Obvious':  If you are sexually active and not using birth control (bc) and turn up pregnant...not an accident.  Even if you didn't intend or plan on being with child, what did you expect when if you didn't use bc?  And, I'm hear to tell you that, although, the Rhythm Method has worked for some, it is not a very safe or reliable form of bc.  And, don't pretend you didn't know this.  Because you do.

2.  the 'we used the Withdrawal method':  Really?  WTH?  (Sorry, Mrs.Lewis)  Wasn't it in like 6th or 7th grade health class that you learn about PRE-ejaculation.  I apologize for the term, but we're all adults here.  Yes, ladies (and gents)  a few swimmers come out before the rest.  Let's call this a false start.  They may have been disqualified, but they 'won' the race in the end, if you now what I'm sayin'.  And, yes, even my dear, sweet, Mrs.Lewis knows this, but we tend to think what has worked in the past will work forever and always.  We get careless and lazy.  It's cool.  But, it's also like playing Russian roulette.  If you're not ready to deal with the consequences (and she was), DON'T play at it. Bottom line:  if this is your preferred form of bc (or, really, lack thereof) and you are announcing your impending bundle, say, "Well, our pregnancy is not really an oopsie, because I am an adult and know better. So, let's just say it was an unexpected surprise."  You will sound so much smarter, and cooler.

3.  the 'i was on antibiotics' excuse:  Okay, I, personally, know like 5 bagillion people who say this is how they got pregnant...on accident.  And, no doubt!  Anyone with a pulse and a who-ha knows that antibiotics interfere with the efficacy of bc pills.  I'm not sure who these womens' physicians are, but mine (my OB-GYN and my internal medicine physician) has TOLD me this.  Numerous times.  Every time I get an antibiotic.  Even now that my tubes are tied.  Even if you are on hormone based bc, you need an additional form of contraception while on antibiotics.  Seriously, you do.  A condom, a diaphragm, foam, a sponge, something for goodness sakes.  If you do not do this, chances are you will get preggo. 

4.  the 'I skipped a few pills' excuse:  This one is easy.  Don't.  If you do, there is a small chance your egg will get fertilized.  The pill will work...if taken appropriately.  The bc pill is 99.8% effective.  Of the remaining .2%, about .193% of resulting pregnancies is from HUMAN ERROR.  You have a better chance of getting hit by lightening while riding a unicylce.  Based on how many people I know that were/are with child with this excuse, you would think that the pill was about 68% effective, and, then, why bother?  That being said, if you do miss one pill...newsflash, you bc still has the same effectiveness as if you actually took it when you were supposed to.  Shocking, I know.  Let me tell you a story.  Early on in our marriage, I would sometimes miss up to 3 in a row.  I know.  Dumb.  And, I still didn't get pregnant.  I would have accepted it openly if I had, as would Jake, and I certainly wouldn't have said it was an accident.  I might have said, "Hey everybody, I got pregnant out of shear stupidity."  or "Although, we are very happy about the news, my pregnancy is a direct result of my carelessness." 

5.  the 'his condom broke' line:  Really?  This is one of my favorites.  Oh, the chances...  Have you ever stretched out a condom as far as it would go?  I mean, honestly.  I'm not even going to humor this one.

6.  the ever popular, 'I thought I had to go off of the pill months ahead of time to get pregnant, it's only a month later, and I just wasn't expecting this...now what?':  Wow!  Again, let's go back to the doctor here.  My doctor has told me over and over it only takes one period off, and then...sh-zam!  You can get a baby bump.  If your doctor has not told you this, don't you think it is an important enough subject to ASK?!  I am living proof, 2 Xs over that this happens.  Consequently, it makes sense to tell people the boys were, indeed, planned.  No bc pill + friendly relations = a baby 9 months later.  It's really very simple math.  Here's a funny story...even after knowing of my own first 2 baby making experiences, my sister (God love her)  made this fateful mistake.  We can all laugh about it now, because she admits to what a capital I, idiot, she was.  Good times!

7.  (directly related to #1 and #2) the 'I just figured that if I hadn't gotten pregnant in this long...': Um, no.  Avoiding pregnancy is a month to month day to day situation.  And if you subcribe to this nonsensical excuse, a gamble.  Just because you got away with it on the first try, or the 6th, or 12th, or 38th, does not mean it will work in months 40, 57, or 174.  Got it?  Along these lines, you most certainly CAN get preggers at any time during your cycle.  Even if you would bet your right kidney you know not only the day, but the hour you ovulate.  Scouts honor.  Weirder things have happened, and NO ONE is exempt from this phenomenon.  I don't care how well you think you know your body.

8.  the 'How did I get pregnant?  I'm breastfeeding!'  Again, with the whole doctor thing.  My OB-GYN asks me after the baby is born while still IN THE HOSPITAL what form of bc I'll be using post-partum.  All four times I've always gotten the same one line, "Beth, don't forget...just because you're breastfeeding and may not be having a period, you CAN get pregnant."  I shouldn't hold the doctor souly responsible.  It's also in a ton of breastfeeding literature, including, but not limited to, the big folder of stuff you get while in the hospital.  My hospital lactation consultant also told me.  In my personal case, I already knew this, by educating myself, and from having a very resourceful mother.  Read stuff, ask questions, don't assume anything! 

I could go on and on, but I'm sure half of you are already so peeved at me you can't see straight anymore, so I'll leave it at my, personal, top 8. 

In addition, I would like to say that I have wanted to be pregnant 5 times in my life and got pregnant 5 times (pregnancy #4 resulted in a 10 week miscarriage).  ALL the other months and days that went by in 9+ years of marriage that I didn't want to get fertilized, I didn't.  It's really that simple.  If you REALLY do not want to be with child, AND (here's the important part) take the proper precautions, you will safely avoid a swollen abdomen. 

Otherwise, I firmly believe, that subconciously, or in some situations, consciously, you were wanting to get pregnant or didn't MIND getting prego.  And, that, in and of itself, really isn't bothersome to me.  But, for your own sake, just keep it real, and say so.   I would love to here someone say, "As surprised as I am, I really shouldn't be.  I didn't have a back-up while on antibiotics", or "Even though I've gone this long not getting pregnant while using the withdrawal method, I guess one of those suckers made it.  What was I thinking?" 

Don't even get me started on half-way intelligent adult women who have multilple 'oopsies'.  Wow!  Aren't all 'mistakes' supposed to be learned form?  I'm just sayin'.

And, above all else...the baby is not the oopsie or accident or mistake.  YOU are the one that slipped and made the mistake.  That beautiful baby is the result.  And, don't assume the people that you are sharing your news with are dumb.  Chances are they are not.  It is much easier to NOT get pregnant, than it is TO get pregnant. 

Most people that I know that have unexpected pregnancies, really, in the end, weren't that surprised.  They are/were, also, married adults (or have a good support system) who graciously accepted their babies knowing that it was their own actions or lack thereof that led to their pregnancies.  Everyone, in many situations, not just pregnancy, have slip ups.  We get careless, and make assumptions.  We think we are immune to certain conditions.  But, I hope that when it comes to bringing a human being into the world, we would all start thinking a bit differently.  Be more responsible.

I hate to sound like a high school sexual education instructor, but sex is a HUGE undertaking.  Sex and its consequences should not be taken lightly.  It is a gift, a privilege, a responsibility.  It should be respected and held in the utmost esteem.  It can be fun, and exciting, and good things can come of it, even if unexpected.  Adults should not have such a cavalier attitude about sex and its consequences.  We are too old to think, "Not me...".   

If you didn't know any of this, now, you do. 

Okay, let the nasty comments ensue.  Bring it.


  1. I believe we plan our life's journey before we ever get here with our "Maker", "God", "Higher Self" or what ever reference you prefer. Here is a poem by William Wordsworth that sums it up nicely:
    Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting
    Our soul that rises with us, our life's star,
    Hath had elsewhere it's setting,
    And cometh from afar.
    Not in entire forgetfulness,
    And not in utter nakedness,
    But trailing clouds of glory
    Do we come from God
    Who is our home.

  2. All I have to say is AMEN SISTER !

  3. I totally agree with what you are saying and I have no argument ... just a reminder that it does happen to the best of us sometimes. I consider myself well educated and have always tracked my period/ovulation. Things just got screwed up with gall bladder surgery, birth control, and my ovulation calendar and it was a HUGE surprise to me, but in no way would I ever regret having a child. Just reiterating that there are some exceptions and maybe that makes the baby all the more worth while to bring into the world.

  4. I totally agree!!! I really think people enjoy the attention they receive by claiming an "oops!" baby.

  5. You know a buddy of mine always said that his father told him that "he wasn't a mistake.....he was the makeup of an argument".


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