30 March 2010

Same & Different

Last week, Jake and I had a meeting for Betsy concerning her transition from her early childhood school setting to primary school, her inclusion in a regular education setting for parts of the day, her new special education classroom, and ALL OF THOSE THERAPY HOURS.  It's so overwhelming, and a bit sad (because we're even in a position that requires such a meeting), and happy (because there are so many people that truly care about Betsy and love her as evidenced by teary eyes), and scary (because we just don't know what her educational future holds).

Let's face it...kindergarten is hard for any mom. 

It's the big time.

It dosen't get any easier.

I sobbed in my car the day the bus took Jake away, and 2 years later with Pete wasn't any different.

I'm not sure how things will go this fall with Betsy.

I'm nervous.

My Dad has always said {concerning parenting}, "What you do for one, you do for the other."  Material and otherwise.  For all intents and puposes, I believe this to be true. 

But, what do you do when one of your littles is very obviously different?  A difference so great that even the other littles take notice and adjust their own interactions and behaviors with her? An anatomical and physiological difference? 

Whatever I do to try and lessen that gap, it's still there.  Undeniable.  I mean, let's face it...Betsy Jane gets treated differently.  Necessary?  Absolutely.  For better or worse? I'm not sure yet.  Undoubtedly, I'll know the answer to that in 15-20 years. I'll be able to tell the effect it had on the other beasties.  And, I hope I will have raised them well enough to take responsibility for their own place in this world, and not be victims or blame their father, me, or anyone else for everything that may go wrong in their lives.  :)

Fact: the differences between Miss Betsy and her peers in certain areas is quite profound.

This is why letting her go is hard.  Not necessarily hardER, but different.  In every fiber of my being, it feels different.  Cutting loose the bird that hasn't quite learned to fly, and expecting them to take flight anyway in the cruel, unforgiving skies. 

Okay, that might be a little dramatic.  Because, for realz, that girl rarely disappoints or fails to rise to the occasion.  But, it's still a pretty intense feeling.

How do you let go of something that was never really yours to begin with?  I'm just here to help her along in this life.  She is her own woman, a daughter of God, a free and independent spirit. 

And, she's ready.

I'm not...but she is.  Oh, yes, yes, yes she is.


  1. awh that's so hard. Sounds like she's ready. But I can't imagine what your going thru. I dread the day mine takes that trip

  2. I just signed Chloe up for early head start today. Like Betsy, I know Chloe is ready, but me.... not so much! I guess I'll just cross my fingers and toes and see how it goes! I hope Betsy's school adventures go well, and I'm sure they will!


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